In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
