I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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