and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize