It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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