I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
