he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
