You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
