Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize