Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
