What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize