She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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