3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a beard to bite.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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