guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
