We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
