Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
