If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
