There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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