dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
