Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
