Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
