You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
