I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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