Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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