I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
