i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
