Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
