Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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