I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
