The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
