Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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