i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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