you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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