just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
