yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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