you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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