Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they're like a gay fantastic four
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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