lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i believe in u and ur pee
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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