we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Iβm literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. Iβm a fucking role model.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
Itβs about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize