You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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