did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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