That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
