I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
