Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
