i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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