I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize