Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
