i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We need to get me chipped asap
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
