based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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