The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I touched a dick in church today
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
