Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
