Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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