I puked a lego.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
