Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
