So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
