everyone is single if you try hard enough
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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