And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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