Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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