clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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