I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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